My grandparents say a lot of funny things. Recently, my sister went to Israel with them for our cousin Meira’s wedding. While she was there, she kept a notepad to write down some of the gems.

On Grandpa closing his eyes mid-conversation (a very regular occurrence):

Grandma: I think he indulges himself too much.

Grandpa (eyes closed): What do you mean, indulge myself? With what?

Grandma: Closing your eyes.

Grandpa: I’m just resting.

Grandma: What do you mean, resting? Give it about ten years and you’ll be in a perpetual state of rest.

Grandpa: I can hear everything.

Grandma: I don’t care if you can hear – PARTICIPATE!

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On birthday gifts:

Grandma: He once gave me a broom so I don’t have to bend down. I gave it back to him in the head.

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On pastimes in Florida:

Grandma: I used to play bridge but I don’t have a partner and he won’t play with me.

Grandpa: I don’t like bridge. You have to concentrate.

Grandma: That’s the POINT!

Grandpa: If I concentrate too smartly, I get a headache.

——

During an argument about Grandma getting lost on a walk from the hotel when Grandpa had given her clear directions:

Grandma: Manny, most people go from A to B and have a boring life. I don’t do that.

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My Favorite:

Grandpa (to Grandma): You’ll be alive when the martians come to earth because only the good die young.

——

Speaking about a waiter who was shelving some bottles of wine and not responding to her while she was trying to ask for a to-go container for the breakfast buffet (which, of course, isn’t allowed):

Grandma: He’s one of those one-thing-at-a-time kind of people.

——

On feeling badly when I (my sister) wouldn’t accept money:

Grandma: It’s one of my pleasures — that and worrying.

——

Discussing the long trip to/from Israel:

Sister: Does Grandpa sleep on the airplane?
Grandma: He says no. I say yes.

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On noticing Grandpa’s complexion:

Sister: Grandpa, your skin looks so nice, you have a really nice tan.

Grandpa: Smiles.

Grandma: Of course he has a tan. I made him sit outside for awhile before we left Florida. You can’t come from Florida and not have a tan.

Grandpa: Stops smiling.

——

I love them so much.